Crash and burn

Tom: im going to abbreviate this because my meds are kicking in and im getting exponentially tired with every minute.
sooooo. was on the scooter, on my way somewhere, wearing nothing but shorts and a t shirt. and there was a dead raccoon which i didnt see, so i hit it and lost control. i laid the bike down, and together we spun and slid for a good twenty feet. i landed straight on my face and elbows. if it wasnt for my full face helmet, i wouldnt have a face right now. so thank god or whoever for that. and luckily there were no cars behind me to hit me. the guy in front of me saw, and stopped his car in the middle of fricking traffic to help me. he got my scooter out of the road so i didnt have to, even though i wasnt in pain yet. there was also a nurse who saw and stopped and helped. i eventually saw her in the emergency room, which was cool. she was really nice, unlike the other nurses...anywho. before i knew it, there was one, two cops, five paramedics, and a fire truck. the people whose house i crashed in front of were so very nice. they offered to let me lay on their couch when the pain started to hit me. and i was just like" no, i would hate to get blood on your couch" but they were just so nice and considerate and probably would have done anything i asked of them. good samaritans are wonderful. and mom and scott finally showed up, and mom took me to the ER, where i had to wait for probably thirty minutes. as soon as i walked in the door, i was getting looks. most of the people in the waiting room arent bleeding or anything like that. but whatever. its all good. so i finally went back to a bed and gave them my info and whatnot. and they x rayed my screwed ankle, and it was just sprained. and they scrubbed my abrasions, which wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. but it still hurt like hell. and a while later they let me go, and i hobbled out on crutches. and here i am, pain meds kicking in. goodnight


note: five minutes after i crashed, i was updating my facebook status. what the hell does that say about me?

Deception. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Matt here.

So, a certain girl, whom i should have known better than to talk to anyways due to her age, (16) -.- had been showing alot of uhmm, interest in me. and me being single, and at a point where i just wanted to have a good time, was talking back. now 16 is rather young, but still legal according to FL law. so i though i was in the clear.

So this morning, i found out that a 22 year old friend of mind was arrested for "relations" with a 15 year old, who had lied to him about her age..sucks.

So this sparked my curiosity, and i confronted the girl mentioned in the first paragraph about her, age. i wanted to make sure she was being honest.
I come to learn that she isnt 16. not even 15. FOURTEEN.
Its a good thing i didnt act, else i could be in some deep shit. Bullet dodged. Deception is a curious concept.

Cy, AK, Mochi, Boca Fiesta

Tom: tonight was pretty crazy. As I write this, it is three thirty in the morning, the latest ive stayed up in quite a while. Matt is asleep in my bed, snoring like crazy. Im in a chair listening to the swell sweason. So…
Right when I got off work, matt met me at my house, and we went to mocha to meet cy and ak, as well as ak’s friend. I greatly enjoy being around both of them. Ak and I dated for something like four months in our junior year. And I tried to date cy, but it didn’t work our. But that was long ago, now I sort of consider them my sisters. I call them kiddo and mess up their hair. I feel like that’s the kind of stuff a big brother would do. But anyhow. So we ate some mochi. And we said our goodbyes, and exchanged hugs and whatnot, and went out separate ways. And, long story short, we ended up at the same place as them anyhow, so we met back up and walked down university. Matt and I got pizza and scarfed it. (he is an eating machine. No exaggeration. ) and then we went back to ak’s dorm, which was nearby. And we chilled there for a while. And matt and I once more said goodbye and left. And we walked down university and around campus, and then finally got in the car and drove towards downtown. He had his heart set on boca fiesta, a restaurant. So we made our way there. As we were walking there, we run into t, who is about to play at lillians for jam night. While I am watching him play, matt runs into d and a few of his friends, and they chill and talk for a little while, and then we finally make our way to boca fiesta, which happened to be open until two am. Who would have thought? Matt ordered food, but I wasn’t hungry. And as he is eating and im sippin my cherry coke, we start checking out the waitress, who is a pretty, indie kinda girl. My type, but not so much matt’s. when he gets the check, he decides to tip her as much as his meal costed, which was almost 14. And we wanted to wait around for her to pick it up and see that. And while we were waiting, we get the dumb idea to start writing on it. Matt makes some comment about appreciating late night service and whatnot. And then we get reeeally stupid. He writes something like “ guy with glasses, ###-####, guy without, ###-####. Do us a favor. Pick one and text it. Thanks” it seemed like a good idea at the time. And neither of us got texted. So we are slowly making our way back to the car, when we see this giant mob of people who looked like they just ran out of the club. Everyone is talking and yelling and on their phone, and we look around to see what the commotion is, and there is a girl, passed out, face down, half on the sidewalk, half on the road. Before we know it, there is one, two, three cops, and then an ambulance. A cop is blocking off traffic and redirecting it, and people are starting to disperse. We tried to get some info as to what happened, but to no avail. And I was just like “ lets look on the news tomorrow morning…” and then we ended up here and now. Matt asleep. On my bed. And me awake. The worst nights are when sleep escapes me and too many thoughts replace it.

K and Moes

tom: soooooo. i didnt really get a day off this week. i worked saturday, and spent the first half of sunday helping my step dad on his hobby farm. but whatever. finally got my washing machine into my apartment. ive never been more excited about an appliance in my life. what does that say about me? yikes. so, needless to say, i spent several hours clothes washing and cleaning. what fun. around six, i met K at moes near my apartment. it was the first time i had seen her since halloween, so it had been a good several months. we had gone to high school together, and we had become pretty good friends. she dual enrolled her senior year, (i did not) but we still managed to spend a decent amount of time together. i always really enjoyed spending time with each her, even though weve always been rather different. So we had a good time catching up and whatnot. and i found myself marveling the fact that she had changed so much since the last time i saw her. note: if you dont like the greek college scene, dont go to a college hangout near campus. everywhere i looked, there were boat shoes and OMG blonds. no thank you. anywho. so she and i had a good time, and she went back to her sorority to study for a test she had this morning.
i, however, went back home, met up with A, and we went to a local lake and sat and talked and smoked a bit. it was pleasant. and then she dropped me off at my house, and i fell asleep to v for vendetta. win.

tonight will make for a good post tomorrow.

Thanks

I know that this blog was supposed to be about us moving on, having fun, finding new direction in our lives. and that is what we both desperately want. but before there can be a fix, before it can be moved past and learned from, all must spill. so, that being said,

Thanks. for making me hard. for making me angry. for making me cry as soon as i wake up. for making me sleepless night after night. for making me cynical about love and commitment. for ripping my heart out and thrusting a jagged blade through it. for making me, if only for a little while, think it was really all my fault.
for fucking me up so badly that, even now, i still want you.

thanks

and i am reminded of it every time i look at the inside of my goddamn wrist. oh, but it wont be there for long.

Confusion

Matt here..

So upon reading Tom's latest post, I find myself deep in thought regarding the past few days.
Whos up for some stream of consciousness?

So you just want to be friends.. you want to stay close to me, but we can't be together, not like that. Okay, ill deal.. i guess.. but give it some time!Im giving it time! I'm turning people down for christ sake. How can you talk to me the way you do, act the way you do around me.. and expect me to not be affected by it? If you dont wanna be with me, dont flirt! dont cling! dont tell me you love me. I cant handle that.
How can i get over this quicker? Should i indulge myself in my other options? Should i live simply for work, school, and my friends? Should i keep trying as hard as i can?
dear god dont tell me you love me.
ill be seeing you tonight too, though my family will be there.. im still not sure how i'll react. Dinner should be good though.

So on a second note. I'm in a wierd spot. in the past 48 hours, two different people, and a third on the verge of it i feel like, have been.. more open with me than expected. and i havent acted thus far.. should i? i could. How would my conscious feel though?

Past, present, and future

Tom: With as little bias as possible, I will say that my past relationship failed because of the other person. People who do not even know me or her will say that, so I feel it has some credence. And even though it was, on the whole, that person's fault, it was still incredibly difficult to end the relationship. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. A little more than two weeks later, it is still affecting me to a great degree. And I'm sure it will continue to affect me for some time. And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that to move on would be best (which is echoed by most everyone I know, still I find myself with the urge to speak to her, to see her, to touch and kiss her, even when I know the results would be disastrous. A drug addict looking for his fix. He knows it will destroy him, yet still he wants it. Withdrawal bites.
So how will I cope, how will I manage? By trying to bury it. Spending time with friends, spending time running, anything to otherwise occupy my mind and thoughts.
But even from the deepest, darkest hole, I still long for it and hear its whisper.


An original to leave you with. It's entitle "Magnets":

Like magnets,
How we were drawn to each other.
Like magnets,
How we were inseparable.
Like magnets,
How we thought we were made for each other.
Like magnets,
How we could never be near
When you turned your back.